Get to Know Me: The Real Story Behind My Life and Personal Growth

In this episode of The Inner Trip, I sit down with one of my closest friends, someone who has known me for over 15 years, to share a more personal and unfiltered look into my life. Through her questions, we explore everything from long distance friendships and family dynamics to grief, relationships, and the experiences that have shaped who I am today. This conversation goes beyond plant medicine and into the real life moments, challenges, and growth that don’t always get seen online.

We talk about what it means to choose your people, how to maintain deep friendships across distance, and the impact of growing up in a nontraditional family. I open up about my relationship with my parents, losing my dad at a young age, and the lessons that have carried into my adult relationships. We also dive into identity, religion, and finding your own connection to something greater outside of traditional structures.

Growth is layered, messy, and deeply human. From traveling the world together to navigating hard seasons, this episode captures the power of having people in your life who truly see you. For this week’s integration, reach out to someone who matters to you and let them know. Your relationships are part of your foundation, and they deserve to be nurtured, as do you!

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:02

Hi kittens, I'm Julie Savone, psychedelic facilitator, integration expert, and your guide for this wild ride, the Inner Trip. 365 days with plant medicine. I've helped hundreds of people use plant medicine, primarily psilocybin, to heal, expand, and step into their next level. But this year, I'm taking it even deeper. For the next 365 days, I'm bringing you with me. I'll be microdosing, journeying, integrating, and exploring what it really means to live a limitless life with plant medicine as a tool, not a crutch. So if you're ready to feel more alive, more clear, more limitless, and you're down to do it with mushrooms and a little bit of sass, you're in the right place. Let's take the inner trip. Hello, kittens! Today is a very special episode because I have my sis here. Some of you may have seen this post I made on Instagram. If you haven't, you can go find it. But the short or the long is it, long of it, sorry, I just got my lips done and my chin done. You can also go see the Instagram.

SPEAKER_01 0:55

It looks good. It looks great.

SPEAKER_02 0:57

It's a little nude talking, so I'm literally three days out, but um I okay, and I call my sis. I do have a half-sister. She doesn't like me. Not because I did anything to her, she doesn't even know me. She likes me for her, doesn't like me for her own reasons. But Angela had this crazy adventure 15 years ago. Um, and since that point in time, I have really, you know, chosen Ange as my sister. I really feel like family, we hear all this shit about like blood is thicker than water, and like sometimes that is great and it works out, and sometimes like it's really important to choose the people in your life who you treat as family. Um, and so I have definitely made that choice with Ange. And the reason I wanted her to come on today is because I feel like I present um pretty similarly online to who I really am in real life, but I thought it would be cool for Ange to come on and ask me questions. Questions I don't know, like I have no idea what she wrote. It could be like, what about the time we murder someone? Just kidding, that never happened. Or um, so I don't know what the questions are gonna be, but I thought it would be fun for her to ask me questions and to um just answer them truly, honestly, in the moment. I do get one pass. This is like Bravo. We're on like Watch What Happens live right now. Um, but yeah, my intention is just for you guys to get to know like who I am a little bit better because she's been with me since I was literally 18, so she's seen so many different versions of myself. But anyway, and thank you so much for being here.

SPEAKER_01 2:17

I'm so excited. Thank you for having me. Yeah, we literally have grown up together, realistically, because I feel like you don't really start living your own life until you get to be like past 18. So I feel like you're totally right. Like we just keep choosing each other and like every phase of life, which is really fun. So I'm really excited to ask you these questions. So I have 12 of them.

SPEAKER_02 2:39

So I'm so excited. But yeah, I mean, right, that's the way I think about relationships. Like any relationship, a friendship, romantic relationship, it is a choice, like to keep choosing each other again and again and again. And I'm so happy that we choose each other.

SPEAKER_01 2:51

Oh, I love you so much. You're my sis for life. Okay. Okay. So I feel like this is a good segue for this one. Um, so it's a I said we have been friends for almost 16 years uh now, but the mass majority of our relationship has been long distance. What would you tell someone who is really struggling with their friend being so far away and wanting to stay close and show up for them in ways that they can?

SPEAKER_02 3:18

Damn, I knew you were gonna make good questions, but these are some good freaking questions. Okay, let's see. Long distance friends. I mean, it is it is a commitment, right? Like it really is comes down to you choosing because it's easier when you live, you know, 10 minutes down the road for someone to say, like, hey, do you want to go to Happy Hour and grab a drink, or do you want to go for a walk? Or oh my God, like, you know, I haven't watched this housewives episode. Do you want to come over? And when there isn't that ease, it really does become a choice. And I also think that's when you see are these friendships where both people are going to choose it, because it also can be a one-way street if it's long distance. It's easier to kind of have a passive friend if you know you're both in the same place. So I think you see who's really in it with you, who wants to choose to be there with you. Um, and that honestly, I think the time together becomes more meaningful, whether it's like catching up on a phone call or like you actually see someone, because like I don't know, not that I don't know, you know, your in-person friends in Dallas, and sometimes I hear about stuff that's happening, but it's not kind of like the the daily, I don't know, I don't want to say drama because it's not drama, but like the little ins and outs of your day, it is like the more important themes of life. Um, it's gotta be one who can really hold that down with you for sure.

SPEAKER_01 4:34

And you've always been really good about that. So, and I feel like a lot of it too is like if I'm having a bad day, sometimes I can't show up for you and it's hard because we're far away, but like there's still that give and take with everything. So I love it.

SPEAKER_02 4:48

And you're the one who's really good at holding, you're like the queen of long distance relationships.

SPEAKER_01 4:52

If I decide someone's my friend, they're my friend. It doesn't matter what they say. Okay. Um, so another thing a little bit about us is we both grew up really close to our grandparents, which was something that really brought us together. Um, we actually have the 104 tattoos because of our grandpas. What was your favorite thing about having them as such an intricate part of your life growing up? As like another level of grandparents. Like they weren't like the typical grandparents.

SPEAKER_02 5:22

Aww. You told me I didn't have to get my tissues.

SPEAKER_01 5:26

I didn't know this one was gonna make you cry.

SPEAKER_02 5:29

Um, oh wow. I mean, I think for both of us, like we obviously have our parents, but having grandparents that were like that close to us became like another set of parents for both of us. Um and I also feel like both of us like were our grandparents' favorite, actually, which is something I've never really thought about.

SPEAKER_01 5:48

But um it's like shut up, Brandon, if you're listening. Sucker.

SPEAKER_02 5:55

Um yeah, it's it's a nice, like, you know, your parents can like be hard on you. And I always felt like uh my grandparents like just really sort of like idealized me, which you might be thinking that doesn't sound that healthy, but like I felt a lot of pressure from my mom to like show up a certain way and like be a good girl and like good good grades. And it was nice to have people that felt like more like my dad to me before he passed, which was just like unconditional, like I just love you for you. Not that I think my mom loves me for me. I can see that now as an adult, but like the way that she showed it wasn't always like that way to me as a kid as interpreting it. So I think it was just great to have like parents who were maybe like more fun and like maybe a little bit more healthy.

SPEAKER_01 6:40

Yeah. Well, Cindy was, you know, having to raise two kids on her own with your dad passing very young, so like I'm sure she did have to show up for her own ways a little bit to be that for you. So your grandparents were like a good buffer to help, you know. That's what I think for sure.

SPEAKER_02 6:55

Yeah, they were, I think that's what it was. It was like a nice buffer.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

Yeah, I love that. So this is a good transition. Also, you kind of mentioned this. You grew up in an untraditional family with your parents having an age gap. What have you taken away from that now as an adult and has it lingered in your relationships?

SPEAKER_02 7:14

Oh, okay, yeah. My parents do have a crazy age gap. Um, like my my mom was like half my dad's age. Um I think one, you really never know what's going on in someone's relationship. And I think that's so true. Like you look at social media because a lot of people present super well right nowadays, and and then you know them in real life, and you're thinking, okay, that's not really what's going on behind closed doors. Um and you know, my mom is a lot of things, but she's a very like strong-willed person. She's also a very loyal person. Um, and from all accounts that I hear about my dad, right? So I only have like my one perspective of him as a kid, like he was the same. So I think they did have similarities in their own way. Of course, they had like differences, including their their age gap, but like one thing that I've distinctly remember is like my mom was there the whole time my dad was dying. So like I have a half-sister, she wasn't really there, but my mom was there like day in and day out. Like, she doesn't really cook, but she would make him his favorite soup, and like, you know, his death was long, it was protracted. And so I think there's it's easy to make a judgment, and my dad did have like a lot of money, right? It's easy to say, like, oh, she was a gold digger, blah blah blah. But like people didn't see that piece of her where she was like taking care of him as he slowly died. And that to me, like, you're if you're really just a gold digger, like you're not gonna do that. You're gonna put him in a home, you're going to hire someone, you're going to X, Y, Z. And so, you know, I I know that there's been judgment toward my mom, but I have a lot of respect for her her because she showed up when the time was tough. And I think that's really characteristic of my mom. Like, she will be there when times are tough. Um, and for me in relationships now, it's funny, I don't have that, or like I'm not super into like older men, but I will say I I date my mom. Like, I date people who are very similar to my mom, and I know that's totally Freudian.

SPEAKER_01 9:07

Interesting.

SPEAKER_02 9:07

Yeah, I mean the you mean all the people I've dated with substance abuse problems, like they're cold. Okay, true. They are like angrier.

SPEAKER_01 9:15

Also, Cindy is sober, by the way, so she does not have any substance abuse anymore.

SPEAKER_02 9:19

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's sober now, but like, you know, she was an alcoholic, right? Like, she had substance abuse problems, and yeah, I I definitely I date my mom, or I have dated my mom, and I will not be dating her anymore.

SPEAKER_01 9:34

Yes, girl. New year, new you. I love that. Okay. We'll switch it up. Fuck Mary Kill, Kyle Cook, Jax Taylor, Tom Sandoval. Oh, fuck. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_02 9:46

Um, oh god, I don't really want to fuck any of them. I have to marry.

SPEAKER_01 9:51

I literally picked the three worst ones on Bravo I could think of. Wow, okay.

SPEAKER_02 9:56

I am killing. I just gotta kill Jax, I feel, because he could like give you AIDS. That's true. And that's a no for me, dog. So we're gonna kill him. I think I'll I mean, I I guess I'm gonna fuck Kyle because I think he has way too much lover boy debt, and I'm not saddling myself with that. Facts. Okay, and I'll still because I think I could make him a little bitch.

SPEAKER_01 10:25

I think for the right person, he does have golden retriever energy. Yeah, so okay, I like that. And college you lived in Argentina studying abroad. What could you tell us that it was like living with an exchange family?

SPEAKER_02 10:37

Oh my gosh, well, mine was so nice. She was just like um an old, she wasn't old, but she was an older lady. Um, and she was kind of you know quiet and like welcoming, and she took me to the opera and like my Spanish, I've never been fluent in Spanish.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

I think you're pretty good. I think you're good.

SPEAKER_02 11:00

I wish I was actually fluent, and so it was a little hard sometimes, like talking to this woman because she doesn't speak English, and like I don't fully speak Spanish, but um honestly, I think having experiences like that where you're uncomfortable and it's hard are really important for your growth.

SPEAKER_01 11:16

So I would like encourage people to go do it. And you were young too when you did that, like you were literally in college, yeah. So that was a big step. Okay, uh, your brother FJ. So you have one brother with your mom and dad. Uh, he has Asperger's. What is the biggest lesson that he've he's taught you in your life?

SPEAKER_02 11:34

Oh my god, to be patient. I I do okay, I have such a top thought for my brother. Like, if someone else, like my uncle like says anything, I will freaking turn in from like a Pomeranian to a fucking Doberman and like chew someone's face off. But it's also like I am the one who lives with him and he really does test my patience. Um like this, the qualities of Asburgers, you know, it's like kind of their way of the highway, and yeah, they're wear the highway, and it's not like from a place of like Jax Taylor energy. It's from a like they almost like don't have the capacity to do it in a different way. Um and there's just like not a lot of I don't experience a lot of like thinking about others or like what do others want, and it's kind of it's very opposite from just how I am, where I'm I'm naturally, I think, more I don't know, I'm concerned, I guess, with like what's the overall vibe, and maybe that's a people-pleasing thing, but um definitely patience, patience, and just like I don't know, like I saw recently the story around Ice took this kid with like like the highest class of autism and detained him and wasn't giving him you know the the things that he needed, and it just like when I see stories like that, especially with autism, like it brings up so much emotion for me and I cry because my brother cried.

SPEAKER_01 13:04

I like feel like I could cry over that. That is so sad.

SPEAKER_02 13:08

It's so fucked up, and my mom did so much to help my brother, and so he is really high functioning, like he lives alone, he has a really good job, and he has an education and a master's degree and all this stuff, yeah. But um, yeah, like not everyone is like you or like me or like anyone else, and that's okay, and it's important to have patience for everyone, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:31

So FJ is very black and white, like there's no gray area with FJ, which I feel like is one of the coolest things about autism, is like they're very direct, and like you don't ever have to guess like what they're thinking, what they need. I mean, obviously, if they're over stimulated, that's a whole nother story, but like FJ is just very direct, and so sometimes like the world is not used to people being so direct. So I think that that is something also like he just teaches you to be like, oh, okay, like that is true, like that's how it is. And I'll and that's how we met too is we met because we were working with little kids who had special needs too, so it is very close to us. Yeah, I love that home. I know. All right, so you were really good at recycling and reusing items. What is your favorite vintage clothing item that you've inherited over the years?

SPEAKER_02 14:20

Oh my god. Um, yeah, I love to seal my grandma's clothes. My grandma made this really, really, really cool dress. It's like satin and it it's almost like fall colors. Um, but I think it's just like absolutely gorgeous. Oh, you know what? My fur coats.

SPEAKER_01 14:38

I love my fur coats. I went on lasting it to a party, so shout out Nancy.

SPEAKER_02 14:46

Plus, I mean, like that's fur is supposed to be forever.

SPEAKER_01 14:49

Forever. Forever. I love that. Okay, um, let's see. Uh, you graduated from a Catholic high school, but you've transitioned away from Catholicism as an adult. Was it hard for you to find yourself in religion as an adult? And what would you tell a young woman who doesn't feel like she's in the right religious space?

SPEAKER_02 15:10

Oh my gosh, I love that we said transition. Yes, we didn't. We transitioned away from Catholicism.

SPEAKER_01 15:15

Yeah, we don't want no, we don't want none of that.

SPEAKER_02 15:20

Um well, I still went to mass, like up honestly, until not like every single week, but until I don't know, like when I was living in Illinois as a lawyer, I still that was probably the last time I like went to mass.

SPEAKER_01 15:34

Um your grandparents were alive, you practiced a little more because they were so into it.

SPEAKER_02 15:39

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My grandma was very Catholic. Um I mean, it was always hard for me to reconcile. Like, there were things about the church that like I obviously don't align or believe in. And yeah, we can look at like the very, very extreme of like child molestation. We can also look at, you know, I remember one priest, there was a kid who was openly gay a year below me, and it was a whole thing of like he should go to conversion therapy. Like, there are several things within the Catholic Church that I just don't like align or agree with, but I've always like felt a connection to something bigger than myself. Um, and I think that's because my dad died so when I was so young, and so I've always kind of felt like there's I don't know, a thin line, the veil is thin between like this world and the next one. I'm like, I think there's something more out there. Um, but honestly, I would if I was someone who had grown up a certain way and you didn't think maybe that was for you, um I think we only like think about our connection to God in these like very structured terms of like this religion or that religion. And so instead of maybe thinking like, oh, maybe I need to be this kind of Christian or like Jewish or anything else, like what about if you just found your own connection to a higher power, which is I feel like what I ultimately did, and obviously now you know I work with psychedelics and we think about like the ways that those can open you up to some like non-ordinary states of consciousness. But honestly, it just started with me like thinking about if I don't feel connected to God in a church, where do I feel connected? And for me, that is hiking and like being outside. Um, and so opening yourself up to like where do you just feel connected or good or at peace, and like maybe that's how you find your connection to God, because I don't think like that has to come through a church.

SPEAKER_01 17:24

Yeah. So this wasn't on my list, but I do think this was a good segue. So you and I went to South America for almost a month together where they worshiped the mother nature and the Pachimama as their religion, and I think you and I really like identified with that. Like we had this moment at like the Sun Temple and just like so many things, but I also remember like every really cool town that we went to, you would always go into the cathedrals or the churches, and you would still pray. So it's like you can still practice those types of things and be in a church if you want, but you can also experience it outside, and like you know, that is good. I agree. Like basically what I'm saying is that I agree, and I've like seen it firsthand because you can do both. I've seen you do both.

SPEAKER_02 18:12

So yeah, I mean, one thing that I think is cool about like Catholicism is like mass is always the same. So even if I went to like Vietnam and I can speak Vietnamese, like I know like kind of where we're at because it's the same in every single place versus like I don't know, Baptist or uh Ecclesiastic is a book in the Bible. I can't think of what I'm trying to say now. Episcopal, or you know, there's all these different kinds, right? Um, but I don't have to go to mass, but I do like the idea of praying, and honestly, I think a lot of churches are pretty. I like looking at the architecture. Do you remember when we were there and we would go to museums and I would try to become whatever the statue?

SPEAKER_01 18:46

We did some everything, we just did funny things everywhere we went, honestly. Like it was the best. Oh god. I I don't I hadn't really heard about the Pachimama religion until we were there, but like I feel like I identify more with that. But I feel like I didn't realize what I was identifying with until they were like, no, you worship mother nature and the sun, and like that's what feeds you. And I was like, Oh, like that actually makes sense. Yeah, I love it. Okay. Um, what would your Bravo hashtag be or your tagline if you were a Bravo Real Housewives of Kansas City? You're about to pop up on the screen. What's your bravo tagline?

SPEAKER_02 19:26

I feel like I need to hire a team of like queer eyes to like come and like help me make this up because I don't think it's gonna be as good as whatever. I'm gonna say, okay. Um I used to duke it out in the courtroom. But now I or something about double blinking? Oh my gosh. It's all sunshine and rainbows until I give you the double blink or something.

SPEAKER_01 20:00

Facts. So Joel does this thing when she's highly irritated with someone, but she like isn't quite to the tipping point yet where she'll just like look you straight in the face and be like, just blink twice, and then just stare, and you're like, oh, okay, she's irritated. I love that. Okay, this has something a little bit to do with Bravo too, because uh there's a girl that says she's the manifest queen, which Jewel and I like to troll. What does your life look like in five years if you could manifest it today?

SPEAKER_02 20:30

Oh, okay. Um I I would like to be like in have a home base where I really feel like this is like my forever. I don't feel like that right now. Like I don't feel like I want to buy a house in Kansas City. I feel like buying a house would kind of be that move. Um, I like it for now, but I'm in like a I'm in my home base, like I'm with a with my partner. I think that I want to get married, but I'm not so attached to like the idea of a marriage. I think I'm more attached to the idea of having a fun party where all my friends come and like kind of make like a public commitment. I'm more in the idea of like a public commitment than I am to like the legal idea of a marriage. Um, but whatever, I would get married. So if someone wanted to, and we will sign a prenup, obviously. Um, but I'm married. Big big facts on the prenup. Big facts. Um, and we're in a home together, and I feel like this is my space. Uh obviously, all my animals are there. Um, and if he had any, they can come too. Uh and I really am just doing the things and in my business. I'm still like I'm still in this business, but I'm doing the only things that really light me up. So I am like facilitating at retreats, I am coaching and you know, doing my programs. I am, I would love to speak on more stages, um, and maybe even you know pop up on like news shows, like talking to about like breaking down, destigmatizing psychedelics, right? Like bringing a firsthand account. Just telling the truth about. What it's really like, not whatever like the government has led you believe, really dare programs. Um, but then everything else, whether it be admin or like I don't know, I do like content, I feel like I would still make content, but um, everything else, like I don't have to do. And my life is I like to say full but expansive. Like, I feel really filled up by what I'm doing, but I'm not so like over overstimulated, overbooked. Um, and I'm giving back to my community in some way, whether it's like being on more boards or creating like free events or working with at-risk groups, um, just to feel like I am in community with my community.

SPEAKER_01 22:38

I love that. This wasn't on my list, but this did remind me of something. So you and I went to Medagene and we spent a few days just like really immersing ourselves in the culture, and we had a really good opportunity with uh Sabine to be able to go up into like the deepest levels of poverty in Colombia and like really see that with like our own eyes. And you volunteer in that space and you like donate and you sponsor kids and stuff like that. What was that like for you to see firsthand like something that you've been so passionate about?

SPEAKER_02 23:13

Honestly, it really reminded me like the I have a major in Latin American studies and I've always really loved Latin America because when I was 18 and I was at Catholic high school, we went on a mission trip. Don't worry, we weren't trying to like convince them to love Jesus, they already love Jesus. Um, but we were building uh a well for a community in Honduras. Um, and so that was the first time I'd really seen like poverty, like shanty homes, like no, nothing like I had seen before, right? Which I'm sure I could have seen if I had opened my eyes and gone to like a really poor community in the United States. I just had never done that. I had never seen it. Um and so, you know, whenever I see it, it just like it really humbles me to think about like how grateful I am for the opportunities that I have. And I don't mean this in like a bypassing way, like, oh my problems aren't real, or that you shouldn't feel your feelings, or be able to be frustrated about something that's not going well in your life, but it's just such a reminder, like there is so much that you have to be grateful for. And I always think it's such a beautiful like mirror how grateful like people are in those communities for things like water, clean water, or for things like after school assistance, or a school in general, because not everyone has the opportunity to have an education. So I'm not saying don't like you can't get frustrated about something that's going on in your life, but remember like people people are praying for the things that you have, and people would be overjoyed at the things that you have. So yeah, I'm sorry that you got cut off in traffic, but like Becky, there's bigger things going out on out there.

SPEAKER_01 24:41

Yeah, that's how I felt too was I was like, everything that I've complained about up until this point in my life is so irrelevant. Like, I remember seeing a little boy like putting toothpaste on his toothbrush, brushing his teeth where he was like so excited because like when was last time he brushed his teeth, and then he was like washing his hair with like the same toothbrush, right? And then he's excited about that, and I was like, whoa, like no one in America would even do that, right? Like, if someone did that, he will be like ew, but like that poor kid, like that was the highlight of his day was he got to brush his teeth and wash his hair, like it's just crazy. Like, I've never experienced anything like that before. It was very life-changing. Yes, okay. Um, you have accomplished so much in your short 33 years of life. If you could go back and talk to 10-year-old Julie, what would be the main things that you want to tell her?

SPEAKER_02 25:34

Oh my god. Woof. It gets better. Yeah, it gets better. Um, yeah, I had a really hard time after my dad died. Kind of up until like maybe five, seven years ago. Like, it was tough. Um and God, I mean, there's just so much like I I really struggle with my weight after my dad died. Um, and I really believe everyone's doing the best they can with what they had, but mm my you know, I think it was around the age of 10 where my grandma had done this thing. I can like see it happening where she had like paid me, she said she offered to pay me to lose weight. Okay and that is like a memory that has stuck with me. Like it just I I really feel like I have some body dysmorphia. I know that like I said, I just got worked, it's not so much like my face, it's like my like I I feel like I've always thought that I was not thin. And I look back at pictures like you know, five years ago or ten years ago, and then I definitely gained some weight after knee surgery, and I was like, oh, I was so thin then compared to what I was then, and now I'm in the process of you know, it's not like my goal necessarily to lose weight, it's to make my knee feel better, but I am losing weight in the process, and just realizing like I don't think I've ever had a super honest idea of what my body is like, like realistic, and I think it's because I just have such a messed up body image as a child. So, well, first of all, telling her, like, hey girl, like, you know, you are not your weight, like, yes, it's important to take care of your body, you only get one body, and like that's what's gonna help you live your life, and so love it and take care of it, but like you are so much more than whatever numbers on the scale. And I probably want to say like this exactly to a 10-year-old, but like, what happened to you and like what is happening to you with your weight is fucked up. Like, that's not normal, that's not nice. I know, like you know, grandma's a really nice person, and I think it's just misguided. I really think she's doing the best she can with what she has, but like you're you're totally fine. Um and yeah, I mean it's hard. That was like a really core memory that really like it fucked me up, and it continues to fuck me up and to this day.

SPEAKER_01 27:58

Yeah, and I'm sure that's hard too because like both of our grandmas were like she did not mean that with ill intent towards you, like she loved you more than anything in the world, but like she had her own body issues that she was going through, and like she just didn't want you to turn out like that. And I feel like that's the whole thing about generational trauma, right? Is like she can only work with what she knows, and then she's passing it on to you because she loves you so much, but she's not trying to hurt you. But it's like those are things that last for forever. Because I remember my grandma would do the same thing, like, do you really want two cookies? But then it's like, Yeah, but then it's like at the same time, they're like offer like they're the ones that have cookies in their house all the time, you know what I mean? So it's confusing when you're a little kid, you're like, Yeah, I do want two cookies.

SPEAKER_02 28:42

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I it's you're right about the generation. That's why I love like when I get to work with moms, because you know, we are all doing the best we can with what they what we have, but if we were raised in fucked up circumstances, we're going to put those fucked up circumstances onto our kids until we learn different.

SPEAKER_01 29:00

For sure.

SPEAKER_02 29:01

I love that.

SPEAKER_01 29:02

Okay, so I got one more. Um, if you were to die today, what do you want your legacy to look like?

SPEAKER_02 29:10

Ooh, if I were gonna die today. Honestly, I would love my legacy to be around joy, like remembering that yeah, life is hard and life is life is tough, but like there is so much capacity and room for joy, and around letting go of shame and guilt. Because I think we all carry shame and guilt toward things that have happened in the past, and I just I know that that's not it doesn't help anything, it's not making the situation better. Um, and so if we could let that go, I think we would just all be in a lot better place if we stopped judging ourselves and others, like oh my gosh, and others, like no one you don't have the magic formula for how someone else should live their life, period. Uh, so stop thinking that you do.

SPEAKER_01 29:53

For real. Yeah, the let them theory is big, that's for sure. Yeah, those are the ones I have written down. Obviously, I could come up with more if you really wanted me to, but those are the ones that I had written.

SPEAKER_02 30:05

So oh my god, I love it. Thank you so much. This was so awesome.

SPEAKER_01 30:10

Yeah. Do you do we have time? Do you want me to come with some more or are you good with those?

SPEAKER_02 30:14

Um, yeah, I'll use a couple more. Let's see.

SPEAKER_01 30:18

Okay, so let's see. What was your what was your favorite thing about hiking Machu Picchu?

SPEAKER_02 30:25

I didn't okay. I think I told you this, but like when I was little, actually it was right after my dad died. Nancy's my godmother and my mom's best friend, and she rented out the penthouse and the Hilton in Chicago and we went, and I was like, I was that kid where after my mom would go to sleep, I would watch shit I wasn't supposed to on TV, not like the X Files and just like scared out of myself. And I'm watching this documentary on the History Channel. I like scary stuff, I guess, where they're talking about how this girl had been a sacrifice, um, that like an Incan sacrifice. Um, and they had like, you know, hit her on the head with something and she had been frozen and they found her body, and so like they brought this mummified like girl out on TV, right? And I'm just so interested, like the Incas, what? Yes. What a weird thing for a six-year-old to be so obsessed with, right? But I have this very core memory of learning about the Incas that way. Um was wild for me to be hiking Machu Picchu and be like, she could have been sacrificed here.

SPEAKER_01 31:31

Yeah. We literally hiked the original Inca trail into Machu Picchu. So, like when she's saying this like Inca child got sacrificed, like we were literally, we had a private guide, like it was just us three, like out in the middle of nowhere. So, like, we yeah, those were the places where people get sacrificed for sure.

SPEAKER_02 31:51

Crazy though that like they like back in the day would have run like 70 miles up and down these mountains, like the runners or whatever, the messengers.

SPEAKER_01 32:00

Yeah, the cool thing was like, you know, we started and then this these men who like carry people's bags had come up or whatever, and they were coming behind us. But he, our guide, do you remember what his name was? Angel. I don't remember. That's right. Okay, yeah. He was like, Yeah, the reason why these like paths are the way they are is because back in the day, if like danger was coming, you could see it because they would have their lights and blah blah blah. So like people would run and like yada yada yada. And it's crazy because like they haven't changed like the infrastructure of anything, so it's like when we were hiking that trail, like there's no guardrails, there's no nothing. Like you were hiking through ruins and up these mountains, and it's really cool to think back to all the history that has happened there. Like, that was cool, that was really cool, and it was so hard. Yeah, like the monkey stairs were something that will haunt my dreams. And and Angel was like, Whatever you do, don't stand up because you'll fall backwards and you'll die. And I was like, Okay.

SPEAKER_02 33:04

I was so much scared of that damn swing though.

SPEAKER_01 33:08

Oh that swing did not scare me. No, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:12

Like, I was ready to meet my maker.

SPEAKER_01 33:15

That's the fun thing about South America is you could do anything for like five American dollars and you don't have to sign a waiver. They're like, have fun.

SPEAKER_02 33:23

What's fun about it? I was like, this is dangerous. Who signed off on this?

SPEAKER_01 33:28

So funny. Um, what was your favorite thing about being so close to the Amazon? I know that was like transforming for you and your business because like you are saying you're so connected to the outside. And I remember this moment specifically. We took a bus to Baños, which to me felt like the real life version of Jurassic Park. Like it was one of the prettiest places. And we had these really this young man and his like his friend, they were our guides, and they just were kind of diking us and doing whatever we wanted. But I remember we went canyoning, which was really cool, and then we had this moment before we were gonna walk back and they were like cleaning all the gear, and we were just looking around, and like I remember that was a super transfer, like transforming moment for you. Like, what was that like?

SPEAKER_02 34:14

First of all, I mean there's nothing like it. Like, yeah, you could watch Jurassic Park or I'm trying to think of another movie, but like you see it, and they do literally call it one of the doorways to the rainforest.

SPEAKER_01 34:24

Like it's massive mouth of the Amazon. It was crazy.

SPEAKER_02 34:29

It's so big, right? And it's so much green, and you know, they call like the Amazon like the lungs of the earth. Like, there's so much um, you know, that when we tear down the rainforest, like we're killing that part of the earth, we're killing our air because the more trees, like the cleaner your air is, right? Like, we we want plants, we want that life, but it was it almost felt like I was breathing with the earth. I know that sounds fucking kooky. I was not on drugs, I didn't even think I microdose that day. I was just like, this is so I I do. I love being outside in nature. I feel very connected there, and it felt like I was breathing with the earth, and it was so cool.

SPEAKER_01 35:04

Yeah, that really opened up like a whole new realm for you for your business. I remember it like sparked something in you, and you were like, I got this.

SPEAKER_02 35:12

Oh, yeah, I think that's um that it's like I think the download that I had in that moment is you know, we we want the thing and we do the thing and we go experience the thing, and then it's on to the next thing. Like, do you really take a moment to just like connect with where you are right now? And even in the small moments, even in the moment where you're like, I don't know, like, oh like my little I feel like I can do this really easily with my animals. Lou is down below me right now, but like you look at your animal, you're just like, oh my gosh, like I love this little creature so much, and like what a gift it is. And sometimes, yeah, does choopy annoy me? Yes, he does, but like then I look at him like you're such a little gift, and just to be connected to what is good right now, and that like the moments you're having, even the small moments are like a lot of the moments that you've asked for, and like what a what a good life, you know, to live.

SPEAKER_01 36:03

And I feel like you were looking like you were looking for some sort of download too, like you were like manifesting that it would come to you, so it was really cool that it like came to you in that moment. Because I rem I like remember where we were, like I can see it, you know what I mean? Like it was literally one of the coolest things, and we were only like 10 minutes away from the mouth of the Amazon, and our guide was like, We'll take you, and we were both like, No, no, like we don't need to go any closer, that's a little scary.

SPEAKER_02 36:30

Well, and something was like, people go in there, they don't come out. I was like, Okay, bro, just calm down.

SPEAKER_01 36:36

Right. Well, and like there's so many indigenous cultures like in South America, which I feel like obviously living in the United States, like we don't get to really experience that. But when we were hiking into Machu Picchu, we didn't bring enough water, and like these people who didn't speak any of our languages, we couldn't communicate with them, they ended up boiling us water, and like I probably would have died up there. Yeah, like they literally like we could not communicate with them. They like they don't speak Spanish, like you know what I mean? Like they speak their own thing, they're very indigenous, and they literally boiled us water and gave us water because we didn't have enough.

SPEAKER_02 37:12

And what a good reminder too, like, what if we just treated humans, animals better, you know, like with love and respect, like all around.

SPEAKER_01 37:22

Literally, like we would have died up there, I think. Like my calves were like cramping, and our and Angel was like, drink water out of the stream, and I was like, No.

SPEAKER_02 37:32

I loved Angel.

SPEAKER_01 37:33

God bless him. Yeah, he was great. Um, okay, let me think of another one. You've rescued all of your animal animals. What would you say is like how do you what do you feel about rescuing animals? Like, what does that bring out in you when you like can provide that us? Like you're you have not rescued like easy animals, like you know what I mean? Like you haven't just like gone and taken a golden retriever from like a family that didn't want them anymore or that had a lot of trauma or doesn't have a lot of trauma, like you know, like Lou was the cat that was in the shelter for the longest time, and Bubba was like found underneath of a house. And I mean, Choopy's fine because he came from my house. I'm just kidding. Okay, but how would you say that that's impacted you being able to like save animals?

SPEAKER_02 38:23

Honestly, I think that when I hear people say, like, I don't want to rescue an animal because I like don't know what kind of temperament they have, I think that's such a cop-out because I feel like you influence your animal's temperament. Like Lou's temperament has changed so much since I got him. And it's like, I'm not trying to like toot my own horn, but it's because of me. Like, you are your energy affects like the energy of your animals, and so like when people say I don't want a whatever dog because you don't know their temperament, it's like, so are you just an asshole? Like people who don't like cats. I'm like, it's probably because you're not nice, like a cat will like you if you're nice to it, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 39:01

Yeah, your dogs are a reflection of you, that's for sure. Or your animals are a reflection of you.

SPEAKER_02 39:06

A terrorist because I'm a terrorist, yes, he is. But you know what? Like, that's my own shit.

SPEAKER_01 39:11

I love that.

SPEAKER_02 39:13

Like, I love I love animals, and I just every I mean, god, sometimes I feel like I'm the house of of unwanted creatures, and I no, no, I'm not dating with that attitude anymore.

SPEAKER_01 39:25

No, no, we're done with that. No more trash, no more trash in our circle.

SPEAKER_02 39:32

But um, yeah, I know I love it. I feel like everyone should rescue an animal in their lifetime. Because I want I know it sounds cheesy, but they rescued me.

SPEAKER_01 39:42

For real though. Like, you got Bubba when you were in law school, like that was such a big thing for you. Like, that was like granted, you were super smart and stuff, but like law school's hard. He was like very much your blanket at that time.

SPEAKER_02 39:54

And they vlogged with you everywhere. Huh? Did you know that Dylan named Berlios?

SPEAKER_01 40:01

No.

SPEAKER_02 40:02

Mm-hmm. I called him when I was driving home with Bubba in a little fucking cat carrier, him just like meowing his little head off. And I was like, I found this cat. What do you think I should name it? He's like, why don't you name it Berlios after the Aristocat? It's because you like that movie. I was like, Oh good job, Dylan.

SPEAKER_01 40:20

We appreciate that. We appreciate that. Yeah. Um, what about Tabitha? I don't think I don't think your viewers know much about Tabitha.

SPEAKER_02 40:28

Oh my god, Tabitha was the sweet Tabitha was actually a really sad story, um, all around. But my grandpa died um in like the coldest day of the year. That it was like it was so cold. Like we had to go outside every like hour at the hospital to turn our cars on because we were afraid that if we didn't, like they would just not come on. It was so cold, like negative 21.

SPEAKER_01 40:46

He was waiting for you to get there too, because you were like waiting.

SPEAKER_02 40:51

I was I was moving, I was bustling. Um and it was like a whole like what did they call them? Like a storm system sort of across the Midwest. So it was like Iowa, Illinois, Shallox. I was living in Illinois at the time until my grandpa died. Um, you know, he passed, and I went back to Illinois because I was clerking there at the time. And uh my like co-clerk had told me about this animal rescue um that she volunteered at, and I was like, I'm just gonna go take a look. I just want to see what's out there, right?

SPEAKER_01 41:28

And you only had Berlios and Lou at the time. Yeah, yeah. I only have Bubba and Lou. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:33

Um I don't know why. I've always wanted, I've always liked having three. Like, even now that I have Chupi, I'm like, oh, okay, I don't need another dog. Like, I feel really good about it. Um, I like having three animals. And so I went out there and they brought out this little dog that was freaking oh my god, she looks so rough. She was like mangy. Um they just found her, but they found her again on the coldest day of the year, and someone had literally just dumped her like in negative 20 degree weather, like she could have died. Like someone called because they were like, small. She was like, Yeah, she's like she's not a big dog. Yeah, and she was so mangy, and she like kept running into shit because she was blind. Roomba. And she was old, she was old as fuck. And um, I was like, Oh, I don't know. I really like this dog. And my mom's like, you don't. I think my mom was there, I don't know why she was. She's like, You don't need a dog, blah blah blah. And you know, once I saw something I wanted, there was no talking me out of it. I went back and I got her, and I just remember when she first got to my house, she just like slept like hours. I'm sure being in like the kennel and all the barking dogs, she was so stressed out, but she was the nicest little creature, she was so kind, but she had been really like abused. Not only was she dumped, but there was this big patch on her head where no hair would grow because like something had happened to her and no one had cared for the wound. I got had to get some of her teeth pulled because she was really old when I got her. Um, and then x-rays showed that someone had like broken her jaw and not fixed it um at some point in time. And so anyway, she was like really beat up. It was like this dog in my head. I was kind of like, my grandpa died, and I feel bad that there are so many old people that are in homes, but you can't go adopt an old person that's weird, so I'll adopt this dog and give her like a nice, you know, last few months. I had her for two years, she traveled back and forth to California with me.

SPEAKER_01 43:21

She had the best life, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:23

We fucking crushed it, man. We had a good time, but that was old Tabitha.

SPEAKER_01 43:28

I remember something like specific that you told her because, or you told me at that time because you and I have like worked on ourselves so much in the last, you know, 10 years, and this was like fresh into our journeys of like trying to find where we wanted to live, and like you were having a transformation with your job, like you were transforming a lot. And I remember you told her you told me that she taught you forgiveness because you and I like we're much better now, but like we have our bitter moments, you know what I mean? And it's like she Was clearly so wronged by so many people, and she can't see, she can't hear, and it's like my niece Veda, she was like two at the time, and we called her Veda the Tornada, and she would just scoop Tabitha up and scary her carry her around, and Tabitha was just like okay, like she was so trusting for the amount of people who've like clearly beat her, neglected her, all these things. And I think it was really good for you and for me too to be like, oh my gosh, like you can forgive, and you don't have to be so bitter when you're wronged by people, you know. I think she taught us a lesson like that.

SPEAKER_02 44:35

She was so so sweet. She did not let life make her a bitch.

SPEAKER_01 44:40

No, she didn't. No. And I will, I think we'll always think about her. Like, you know, she was special, even though she was only around for a few years, with us at least.

SPEAKER_02 44:51

And it's funny now because as Chupi is like becoming more like what he'll be, like long term, he like has a longer body like a shitsu.

SPEAKER_01 44:58

Uh-huh. I love that.

SPEAKER_02 45:00

Cabby's colouring coloring too.

SPEAKER_01 45:03

That's true. They do have extremely similar colorings. I love that.

SPEAKER_02 45:07

Chups is a little, he's a he's his own tornado. Yeah, he is.

SPEAKER_01 45:11

Yeah. Do you have anything else you want the viewers to know about you? What would you say?

SPEAKER_02 45:17

What would you what would you tell someone who didn't know me about me if you had to like describe me to someone who didn't know me?

SPEAKER_01 45:27

I would say that you are very self-secure with who you are and you lead with like your intentions and you are very honest with that. And I you don't just do things because you're supposed to do it. You know what I mean? Like you've always led with like integrity and being kind, and you've like always shown up for me. Like, and you were saying too, like, you know, you don't have a sister. Well, I have five siblings, and like you have always been more important to me than all my siblings combined. So it's like, I think that I would say that you're very loyal, you're very kind, you're so hardworking, you have so much perseverance. I'm not good with words, but basically, you've had very big obstacles, but you've always overcome them and you always do it with such grace. And I've always loved that about you is like you don't let something small like knock you down. Like when you were in San Diego and that guy was crazy with the Airbnb, like that could have deferred your entire experience of living in California. Like most people that would have completely derailed them, but like that's not how you operate. Like you take like big things and you don't let them stop you. I love that about you because you're so determined. But I love that you're always just so loyal and consistent because I feel like consistency is hard to find to like get a friend. And it's like I always know that like if I call you, you'll always be there for me. You'll always pick up the phone, you will always communicate with me, like if you're happy or if you're not happy. Like, I don't have to guess how you're feeling about me, you know, and like that's a big thing. Like, I love that though. Like, I would want, I don't want to tiptoe around my friends, you know what I mean? And I feel like you are like the epitome of a really, really, really good friend, daughter, sister, boss. Like, you are top notch at like all the things that you do. And I just like you are, and I just like, yeah, I love literally everything about you. I do.

SPEAKER_02 47:24

Can someone clip this for me and make it a ringtone or like my alarm in the morning? Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 47:29

It'll your alarm will be like, I love everything about you. I love everything about you.

unknown 47:36

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 47:38

That really means a lot. Thank you so much. I love you so much. I'm so grateful that we found each other on this crazy journey called life. Yeah. Every every lifetime. Every lifetime from sitting on the couch to hiking the Sun Gate, baby.

SPEAKER_01 47:54

Oh my god, that was so hard. I will say though, that is something that I love about our relationship, is like we spent a lot of time with our grandparents when we were young. I mean, like the two of us together. Like, I just sent you that photo the other day of like you studying for college, like in my grandparents' living room. You know what I mean? And it's like we would go and like have dessert with your grandparents, like in their kitchen, and like so people may look at us or they may look at social media and they're like, oh my god, like they've traveled through South America together, or like they ring in the new year in like Chicago, or like they've done all these things, but like my favorite memories have just been like the foundation that we've built, like with the simple things in life, you know.

SPEAKER_02 48:39

Falling in bushes, telling your dad I thought his son was so hot, now thinking he's an asshole. Yep, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:48

Well, double down on that part. The thing is, is that my dad would probably choose you over all the rest of his kids, so it's fine. Shout out, Otis. Shout out, Otis. He's the real one. He is the real one.

SPEAKER_02 49:01

God bless him.

SPEAKER_01 49:02

He's thank you. You are the only person who's ever like cracked his shell in regards to his emotions outside of me. So that is a big thing for you. Yeah, and this is another thing that people don't realize is like my brother died in a very terrible accident, and it caused like a huge ripple effect on like every single person in my family. My dad took it really bad, but he literally only opened up to Julie. Like, that was it. Like, and my dog. So, like that shows like how important she is in like my life, my family's life, and just like in general, because like my dad was like in the depths, and like he wouldn't even talk to me, but yet he would talk to you because he trusts you and loves you.

SPEAKER_02 49:42

So, and he finds me non-threatening.

SPEAKER_01 49:46

Yeah, he's like, What is she gonna do? Yeah, no, you always you always show up for the people that you love, that's for sure. Like, I would never have to guess that you wouldn't be there for me, and that's something that I don't think a lot of people have friends in their lives that they can say that, you know, like every time I've called you and something terrible is happening, like you've always showed up for me. Or like even the little things that I'm excited about, like, you know, like you also lean into those. So yeah, I'm just very grateful to have you as a friend, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_02 50:19

Right back at you. I realize that too, as I've gotten older, that not everyone has friends like that, and that makes me sad for people.

SPEAKER_01 50:25

Right. But it's work, and that's a thing. Like, you know, like we that comes back to the whole thing about friendships and being long distance. Like you and I only had like a time together for what, like a year, maybe. We lived in the same place, like it was not long, and then because I moved, because then you went to you went to Washu in St. Louis, and then by the time you graduated, I was already in Oregon. So like our overlap was really, really, really small.

SPEAKER_02 50:53

Yeah, we've never really lived in the same place.

SPEAKER_01 50:57

No, we haven't. We've always lived apart. Yeah, we maybe lived in the same town for like a year, if that.

SPEAKER_02 51:04

Yeah, there's a lot of four loco consumed in that one year, though.

SPEAKER_01 51:09

No more four loco. I am done. Yeah, no, that was the cornerstone of our relationship, though. Is like anytime something fun would happen, we'd be like, Do you want a four loco? Like, who says that?

SPEAKER_02 51:25

The watermelon ones.

SPEAKER_01 51:26

Yeah, those are good. I liked the watermelon one. I liked the fur punch one too, but the watermelon was the best one.

SPEAKER_02 51:32

I body never liked them, but I like them.

SPEAKER_01 51:34

No, shout out four loco. Give us a sponsorship.

SPEAKER_02 51:38

Please sponsor this podcast. We only have one sponsor. It's for loco.

SPEAKER_01 51:48

And hopefully Casey's. My god, you know how much money we spent at Casey's? We could get Casey's to sponsor us too.

SPEAKER_02 51:54

Oh, I want some breakfast pizza right now. Yum.

SPEAKER_01 51:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 51:58

Yeah. Well, thank you so much for coming on. You're seriously like the best questions in the entire world. And thank you so much for all.

SPEAKER_01 52:05

Oh, yes. Of course. I love you. Well, I'm welcome. I'm booked. I'm ready to be booked anytime for your podcast.

SPEAKER_02 52:14

I'm welcome back. Bring me back. I'm ready. Okay, Kenz. Well, um, for your oh, for your integration, you know, if there's someone who means a lot to you in your life and maybe they don't live close by, it's just send them a quick message. I mean, call them ideally, but send them a quick message and just like tell them what you mean to what they mean to you, or tell anyone, right? Like, tomorrow isn't given. You don't want people to guess about how you feel about them, and like it'll make a huge difference to them.

SPEAKER_01 52:48

Or write them a letter. You and I were good about that when we were young too. Like, if you have a hard time expressing your feelings, or if you feel like you want to tell your friend something, but you don't know how it's gonna be reciprocated, write them a letter. Like, everyone loves a good letter.

SPEAKER_02 53:01

Write them a letter and then change your identity and move to a new country so they can't get back to you. I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_01 53:08

When you were young, you used to do that to those to boys. Remember, you'd write them a letter and like get it off your chest.

SPEAKER_02 53:15

When I was young, I still do that.

SPEAKER_01 53:18

Okay, true, but you really used to do it when you were younger. I and then block yeah, and then block. Yeah, and you'd be like, you don't need to respond, don't worry. Block.

SPEAKER_02 53:30

I just left with and go fuck yourself. No opportunity to respond.

SPEAKER_01 53:35

Now that I've got everything off my chest, go fuck yourself.

SPEAKER_02 53:41

I can still be doing that. What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_01 53:43

I know, I love it.

SPEAKER_02 53:46

I'm ready. Wanted to choose right now. I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_01 53:50

Hey, don't talk about my baby like that.

SPEAKER_02 53:53

I'm just kidding. He looks so cute with his new haircut. I love that. I know he's my little my little tornado. Yes. Um, well, I love you. Thank you so much, guys. Um, and we'll catch you on the next one. Bye. That's the end of today's trip. But remember, the real magic has always been inside of you. If this episode landed, send it to a friend who's ready to step into their next level. And make sure you're following the show so you never miss a dose. I'll be back again soon with another day on the path to your most limitless life. And until then, trust yourself, follow your intuition, and keep asking how good can it get?