How Psychedelic Retreats Can Change Your Life with Kelly Callaghan

Have you ever looked back on one decision and realized it quietly changed the course of your life? In this episode, I'm joined by entrepreneur, educator, and founder of X-Tan, Kelly Callaghan, to unpack the ripple effects of two psychedelic retreat experiences that transformed far more than either of us could have anticipated. From postpartum anxiety and motherhood to grief, forgiveness, relationships, and purpose, Kelly shares how the lessons she received during the ceremony continued unfolding long after the medicine wore off.

Kelly opens up about navigating the loss of her father with a level of peace she never thought possible, the unexpected vision that later unfolded in her own life, and why community, integration, and intentional inner work matter just as much as the journey itself. Whether you've been curious about psychedelic retreats or you're simply navigating your own season of healing, this conversation is a powerful reminder that transformation often happens in the moments that follow the breakthrough.

For this week's integration, notice where fear may be keeping you from saying yes to something that feels deeply aligned. Ask yourself whether your hesitation is coming from intuition or from a story your mind is creating to keep you safe. Then, look for one small opportunity this week to share your light with someone else, whether that's offering a genuine compliment, extending compassion, or simply showing up as the best version of yourself. Until next time, trust yourself, follow your intuition, and keep asking, how good can it get?

Kelly’s Links:
IG: https://www.instagram.com/iam_kellyann
Website: https://www.spraytanclass.com
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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Hi kittens, I'm Julie Savone, psychedelic facilitator, integration expert, and your guide for this wild ride, The Inner Trip. 365 days with plant medicine. I've helped hundreds of people use plant medicine, primarily psilocybin, to heal, expand, and step into their next level. But this year I'm taking it even deeper. For the next 365 days, I'm bringing you with me. I'll be microdosing, journeying, integrating, and exploring what it really means to live a limitless life with plant medicine as a tool, not a crutch. So if you're ready to feel more alive, more clear, more limitless, and you're down to do it with mushrooms and a little bit of sass, you're in the right place. Let's take the inner trip. Kitten, I have the most special guest on the podcast today. Today I'm bringing you the one, the only, the queen of spray tans, Kelly Callahan. And I am so serious. She is actually the queen of spray tan. If you're not in the spray tan industry, she runs a huge event called Slay the Spray. She is the founder of her own spray tan solution brand, X Tan. She educates other women on how to build courses. She does everything in this industry. She has a seven-figure spray tan brand. And she is here today to talk about her experiences on retreats. And I do want to preface this and put a little disclaimer that Kelly and I are friends, but I want you to know that this is not something that she is embellishing just because she is friends with me. Kelly's a really straight shooter, and I feel like she would be very happy to tell me if she thought something was not good or bad. Um and she is not being paid to be here. So these are all her real experiences. And honestly, when you listen to this episode, the experiences that Kelly has had just gives so much credence, I feel, to the power of mushrooms, the power of the psychedelics. And uh there's just so much healing available to you in this work, and I'm very excited to have Kelly on to share with you about her experiences. So, Kelly, thank you for being here.

SPEAKER_00 1:56

Thank you for having me. I'm excited. I haven't talked about this with you in so long, so I'm excited to rehash the memories of the retreats.

SPEAKER_01 2:05

Yeah, I feel like I'm gonna get goosebumps all over again because truly, you guys, the things that happened following Kelly's experiences are not something that she saw coming, like you she would have known about. It was all super one of my favorite words, serendipitous. Um, so I'm excited to dig in. And Kelly, I'm curious, like, would you do you want to start at the retreat last May? Or do you wanna maybe a great question is talking about like what was your comfortability level like with psychedelics before entering the retreat or like what experiences had you had?

SPEAKER_00 2:41

Yeah, so I did it um multiple times before, so I wasn't like necessarily afraid of doing it. Um I've done microdosing before, I've done like full-on, you know, mushroom experiences before, and um most of them have been very profound for me and very good. Like I've actually gone through some really, really difficult times of my life and had the assistance of um psilocybin to be able to kind of get over a lot of like really deep dark things, and it's brought a lot of light into my life, and so I used it for a period of time probably probably about six or seven years prior, uh, maybe a little bit longer to going to the first retreat or so. Um, and so yeah, I did have experience doing it. It wasn't in like a facility or anything like that, or in like a container like that you host or anything like that. It was just me by myself basically and trying to kind of get through and process these emotions that were so deep and so dark and so heavy. Um, and you know, I did use it to heal and like you know, or during the healing process, I should say, as a part of that healing process. So um yeah, that was pretty much what I've done in previous years with psilocybin.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

Yeah, I really like that distinction. It's definitely part of the healing process, it's not gonna do the heavy lifting for you, but it is certainly a tool to use uh within and with other things. And I'm curious before the first retreat, you and I knew each other through a friend, and we had met a couple times. We certainly didn't know each other like we do now. So I'm curious what really led you into that first experience and made you want to do it at all.

SPEAKER_00 4:35

Yeah, so I had just become a mother of my first son or kid. Um, his name's Braden, and I remember just like feeling so out of place. Like I had a lot of postpartum depression stuff happening. I was dealing with this new identity of being a mother and trying to navigate all of that, and it was really crazy, and also going through COVID, right? It's like 2020, you can't see anybody, you can't do anything. I was isolated, and it was just I wasn't my best, I will say that. Like, I wasn't feeling my best, I was not feeling myself, and I remember thinking back to what it was like to get through this really dark time in the past with mushrooms. But at this point, I hadn't done it for years, and I was actually scared to do it because once you become a mother, I've told you this before like your heart, it like breaks open in the most beautiful way, but also in the most scary way, like you're vulnerable and you just never know, like you're always worried about your kid, you know. And I developed like OCD tendencies and all these things after I had braid, and I was always anxious, worried about something, and just thinking something bad was going to happen. And so I hated being in that cycle of just feeling all of these emotions that just weren't serving me, they weren't benefiting me in any way. And when I saw that you were having a retreat, I was like, you know what, let me go back and try this because I know that it helped me before, but I was too scared to do it by myself. But if I go with Julie and like, you know, a couple of other people, I think perhaps it could help me on this road to recovery essentially. Um, and so that is the main reason why I went.

SPEAKER_01 6:21

I want to put a little ping out there because you said my first child, Brayden. And I don't know if like another little baby's calling you sometime, you know.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

I I didn't even mean to say that. I was like my only child, my son. I don't know. But we'll get back into that later on in this episode because I'm sure I'll be talking about what I saw in a vision that I had during one of your retreats.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

So um, I was also like, do you have something you need to tell me? Maybe not. Um, okay, beautiful. Yeah, it was very seredipitous and how it all happened. And I'm curious for that experience, what what came up for you? And obviously whatever you're comfortable sharing, but sort of whatever was the whatever were the most meaningful points that you took from that experience.

SPEAKER_00 7:07

You know what? I it's really hard for me to remember that first experience because it was quite a while ago. What was it, 2021, 22, something like that?

SPEAKER_01 7:16

I think two, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:17

Wow, it was my very first, it was my very first retreat, you guys. It was so long ago. I don't know. It was so long ago. I mean, I guess not too much, like four years ago, but still like my memory for that isn't as sharp as this last retreat. But the first one, I do remember feeling this like sense of calmness and being able to relate with the other ladies there because I think all of them, ex maybe except for one, had kids. Not all of them had kids, they all did, okay. Yeah, so we all have like the kind of similar kind of sense of this overarching anxiety that happens when you become a mama side, I guess. Like, I guess that's what happens for most people. And so having those conversations and being able to go into this space, knowing that actually like we were in the perfect room with each other because we were all kind of dealing with the same exact thing, and then going into this mushroom trip is what I'll call it. Um, you know, it just gave me the sense of like you don't have to worry so much, you don't have to like worry about every little thing that could potentially happen because when you have this like OCD kind of brain after having a baby, you think of the craziest shit that is so unlikely to happen, but you think of the craziest things that could potentially happen constantly. So it was almost like giving my my brain um a break to be able to kind of like sit there for a day with you guys and like have this experience, and I just remember just feeling like a release of like okay, I could let go, like I don't have to hold on to all of this anxiety stories, things that could go wrong, you know, the what-ifs and all this stuff, like everything is gonna flow the way that it's supposed to flow, and I have like I do have some control over it, but in the most part, like it's already kind of like written, like it's already gonna happen the way it's gonna happen. So all I have to do is show up as the best mom that I can and just do the best that I can, and everything else will fall into place.

SPEAKER_01 9:31

Okay, so kind of like uh it gave you a sense of being able to trust and and being able to surrender, and something I hear a lot in different ways from moms, from stress-out business owners is this feeling of like you said, my brain was just quieter in that moment. It was at peace, it wasn't the constant like thrum in the background of like worst-case scenarios, or sometimes I call them like apocalyptic thoughts of like what's the absolute worst thing that can happen. Um, but something that I want to highlight that you said that I say myself, and I think sometimes people don't quite understand, but I always feel that the the exact right women are in the room together, and that's not something I could have orchestrated. So Kelly is Peruvian, and there was uh an older mom, a Latina mom, and I felt like there was that like little point of connection, and then there were two other moms who are more like Kelly and I's ages, but I know for them seeing Kelly there as a super successful business owner, and they were just starting out in their own entrepreneurial journeys really gave them a certain sense of you know, this is possible, this is available to me too, and so there's always just this like mix of right people, right time. And again, it's not something where I'm sitting there like with a whiteboard trying to pick out this person used to be there for that person, but it really happens naturally. And I don't know, do you feel that too, Cal? Did you feel that connection with the women at the various retreats?

SPEAKER_00 10:55

Yeah, yeah, I did. I I obviously like you're gonna connect more with certain people and you know have your kind of like little bestie perhaps that you go to um and that you connect with, which I think is really cool. But I think that at every honestly, like not even just your retreats, but any experience that I've gone to, whether it's like a big event or maybe a smaller, like mastermind kind of situation, like I always feel like the right people are in, like I learned something from everybody basically. Um, and so I hope that I give that to them as well.

SPEAKER_01 11:30

Oh, you definitely do. You are so um willing and open to like showing people the secret sauce to whatever it is, whether like this worked for me, you could try this in your business. Um, I would definitely go follow Kelly regardless of your whether you're in the spray tan industry because she does just she's very willing to share the magic, and she's not a gatekeeper. I think in any industry there are those people who will hoard resources. Um, and and that is not Kelly. So you definitely want to connect with her, and you did, you poured into all the women, and I hope that the women gave you back a little piece of magic sparkle. Um, and for the second retreat, you weren't even, I don't want to say like supposed to be there. That's not what I mean at all. Of course, you were supposed to be there, but it wasn't, it was more of like a last-minute thing, right?

SPEAKER_00 12:21

Yeah, it was such a last-minute thing. So this is honestly like part of the craziest experience that I personally have ever had at like any type of event, retreat, or anything like that. And when I say crazy, I don't mean it like, I don't know, crazy, like it was intense or anything like that. It was just like the way things happened in sequence and after the the experience, like everything was orchestrated for me. Like I was supposed to be there, but I wasn't planning on going. So Julie and I, as she mentioned earlier, like we're friends, and she messaged me one day and she was like, Hey, I I don't know if it was like a dream or like a download or something that you had, but you were like, I feel like you really need to be at this event or like this retreat. And I was like, Okay, like I've already gone to one, like, you know, I wasn't really like itching for another one at that time, but I was like, sure, like I'm gonna go, I'm gonna support Julie. I love her. I know like I like seeing her in her zone, like she's really good at what she does, and what's like, why wouldn't I? Kind of thing, you know. So I was like, sure, I'll come. And so I ended up coming. I think it was like two weeks before or even a week before, or something like that.

SPEAKER_01 13:35

It was something, and I I laugh when you said the part about like in a dream or meditation, because we both have the ick when people say that like disingenuously. But yeah, it really was. I think it was I do a little daily, just no phone, no distraction, just be with myself and my thoughts, and it came up for me then, and I was like, I'm just gonna text her and see if she wants to come.

SPEAKER_00 13:53

Yeah, yeah. And it was so like soon before the retreat was happening, and Julie at this time, you already lived out of state, so you were flying in, right? So I was like, okay, like cool, I get to see my friend. Like, I wasn't honestly really thinking too much about it. Like, I was just like, it's gonna be good to see Julie. I will like have a great time doing this experience again, but I really wasn't thinking anything crazy was gonna happen, but it like was the most profound experience that I've had on mushrooms, especially. So, um, so yeah, that's how I ended up there, which I thought was kind of cool.

SPEAKER_01 14:34

Yeah, I do think I think you're right. I think it was literally a week, it was just something where I was about to hop on the plane, and um, you know, I know you have Brayden, so I didn't even know if it was going to be a thing that was able to happen, but um oh gosh, yeah, I'm so glad it did because I mean, whatever you're open to sharing, I would love to hear what came up for you in in that experience because it ended up really rippling out into other areas totally a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_00 15:01

So what's funny too is like, you know, um, I remember waking up that morning and I wasn't feeling that good. And I was like, oh, maybe like I shouldn't go. Maybe I should just like let her know. And I was like, but I don't know if this is allergies or if I actually am sick. Like, I just wasn't feeling a hundred percent. And I don't know if I was talking to Richie or something and I was like telling him the situation, he's like, just go. And I was like, okay, I'm gonna go. And so I get in my car, I go over there, I meet the ladies, like everyone seems like great, and there was a little more few a few more people there than the first retreat, um, which was great. And uh, we were all connecting that night, and then it was the next day that we were going to do the mushroom experience, and so um, so going into this experience, Julie asks you, like, what are your intentions? Like, what are you trying to kind of gain out of this experience? And so for me, it was like really two main things, and it was basically like, is God real? And like, what happens after death? Like, that's those are the things that I want to know. Like, what happens after death? And then um, I'm always curious about like where what direction I should be going to, like, what's gonna be happening in my future, and like that kind of thing, but more than anything, I just had this like want to figure out what happens after you pass away. Because that's something after having a baby, I've been dealing with so hard. Is like, I oh my god, I'm gonna get emotional. I never want to leave my baby, and I don't want him to leave me. And um, I always like cry at this point because I don't like that's such a sad thing for a parent, a mom to hear. And so I wanted those those answers. I wanted to see what happens after death essentially, and if there was a god or an energy or something that I could say for sure, this is what it is, kind of thing. And so, um, so we're going into, you know, the there was, you know, music that she plays, and like you're kind of guiding us through this, you know, beginning type of like going into this experience. And you know, at first it's kind of chaotic. It's like there's so many like visuals and so many things that you're seeing, and your thoughts aren't very like structured, um, at least for me, anyways. And so it just kind of like thought and then other thought and then thought and then other thought and just like lights and weird like little things that you're seeing, and it's kind of cool, you know. You're just like, okay, this is just like a movie. I'm gonna sit here and just watch this for a little bit. And then it started getting into probably and you don't really have a concept of time when you're in this situation, so you're just kind of like going with the flow and surrendering. And so um the next one of the most, I would say, like uh profound parts of this situation or this experience for me was getting the answer of like, you know, kind of like what happens after you pass away, like what happens to your energy, your soul. And for me personally, like what I saw and the message that I got was basically it's like it's karmic. And so you either ascend or you stay in the same area, or you can like um go backwards essentially, and so it didn't give me this perception of heaven or hell or anything like that. It was just like this kind of like almost like a spiral upwards of like where you could go after after death. So the feeling that I got was like just be a fucking good person, you know, like be a good person and you're gonna be able to experience a better um experience, whatever that looks like after we're here on this earth. And that was probably like one of and it was like such a solid feeling. Like I can't even articulate into words like how that felt, but it was such a solid feeling where it was like there was no doubt in my mind, and I remember the feeling, like I didn't even have to write it down. I have my journal here, I didn't even write it down in the journal because I knew I was never gonna forget this feeling, and it was just gonna be ingrained in my brain, but it was like such a profound like there is life after this, and depending on how you behave and the decisions that you make, you get to ascend into this like new space, or you descend, or whatever the case is, and it was just like this solid feeling of like there is a higher power, and you can call it God, and you can call it the universe, and it's essentially the same thing, like it's just this big, bigger than anything energy. It's an energy that happens, right? And so that was just like that solid feeling for me was so like it helped me a lot in so many ways at that point. It was like helping me with the whole thing with braiding because I was still struggling with that. Um, helping me just say, like in my mind, because what I was thinking beforehand was like, dude, we just die and like we're just put in dirt and like that's it, you know, like that's crazy to me. Like that we're living every single day on this earth, and we just die, and then that's it. Like that sucks. Like that's heartbreaking, actually. Um, and so having that solid feeling like eased it eased so much anxiety and honestly, just like made me have so much like relief and just like be such a happier person. Because that's that one thing.

SPEAKER_01 20:48

I love that you're just you're going in with some lowball questions, right? Like, is God real and what happens after you die? Just like easy little, let's just throw them out here. But um, there's a there's a word and I cannot think of it, it's escaping me right now, but it's essentially that quality, exactly what you're talking about of a certain sense of truthfulness, like not even a a belief, affirm, like this is what it is that a psychedelic experience can provide. And that relief, I'm sure, is really amplified by the fact that this feels just so true for you. It's not even it's a fact, it's like two plus two equals four, or the sky is blue, like this is what happens for you.

SPEAKER_00 21:31

Exactly. Yep. It was there was no you could not tell me anything else at that moment in time, of course. You know, I was just like, this is it. Like I already I have the answer. Like, this is so cool. And if I just continue being a good person and doing what I'm supposed to be doing and being the light for others, and you know, like just trying my best to be the best version of myself. Like I can have literally be anything, I can have anything. I can do anything that I want to. And it was just such a confidence boost. And I think it was just like more than anything, just a relief of like, all right, like I'm here. Let's play the game of life and just like have so much fun while doing it. And you know, not like try not to stress so much because I'm I'm just a stressor. I get it from my mom. I'm such a stressor, and it provided so much relief. And in you know, the next coming months, like obviously you can't tell your future of or what's gonna happen. And I think the retreat was in May. Yep. So June, so literally one month later on Father's Day, I had found out that my dad had stage four cancer on Father's Day, and I didn't have a relationship with my dad for the last seven years or so. Um, and you know, he lived in Thailand, it was very complicated. And you know, I think one thing that really helped me through that process of like learning about his diagnosis was the fact that this retreat happened literally a month before, and having that experience of knowing, like, okay, if he passes away, he's not going to just be jerked, he's going to ascend in, uh, you know, or stay the same or whatever happens to him, it's his karma, you know. Um, he's gonna go through another process, and he's he's not gone forever, if that makes sense. Like he's just not completely gone. So, anyways, um, you know, having that experience allowed me to really just think about life in a different way. And I, even though I was very upset with my dad for many, many, many, many years for so many different reasons, I decided to hop on a plane to go see him late June into the beginning of July. And I stayed with him for two weeks and basically like sat there with him in his hospital bed, um making decisions, you know, for him because he wasn't quite all there. And being able to go through that process, like number one, sober because Julie knows, like, I like to drink, I like to go out and stuff like that. That just was not even on my radar at that point. I was like, I just can't even think about drinking right now. Like, I just want to be here present with him because I knew what was going to happen. And so um, being there with him, it was just like this idea of like he, I was just so much more um compassionate, I think, or like understanding of you know, even though he hurt me, it wasn't like that was his intention. I think he was just a very broken person in so many ways. And unfortunately, he didn't have great role models himself to be able to, you know, raise my brother or I or my stepsister, and so with that, I honestly like when I saw him, I don't even know if I told you this whole thing, Julie, but I was like not even mad at him. It all disappeared. Like, I wasn't mad at him, I wasn't upset. It was sad seeing him like that, of course, but it like was such a weird feeling to have so much calm and to not have any type of like emotion uh in terms of like negative emotion, I I guess I should say. So it was really good to stay with him, and I don't know that I would have done that had I not been to the retreat. So it was nice to be able to like hold his hand through that process. Unfortunately, I didn't end up coming back to the United States because being there after two weeks, like I didn't really I couldn't do anything for him. And of course, I have a son, I have stuff to I have to do as well, and so I ended up leaving and I told him that I would come back in a couple weeks, but um, he ended up passing away before I could do that. So uh the reason why I bring this up is because I tie a lot of how I acted and felt during that process, even after him passing with the retreat. Like I it it was almost like a different person handling the situation. Um, if I could have guessed like how I would have handled it before the retreat, I would have been upset, mad, holding grudges, chaotic, not going to Thailand and honestly regretting that for the rest of my life because I'm so, so glad that I went.

SPEAKER_01 26:40

I'm so glad you did too. I'm so glad that you had that opportunity. You know, yes, I'm sure it brought him relief, but honestly, I I just am so happy it brought you that relief because I know that you care so much. And you know, those things, even though you are you're really good at compartmentalizing, you're really good at like being super strong, especially for Braden, but that's an open loop that is gonna hurt anyone, and you know, I can talk all day about like explaining what the hell integration is. Um, and God forbid, I would never want this experience to happen to you or or to anyone else. I'm happy that that that peace and completion happened for you. I would never, you know, wish anyone ill or that they passed, but this was just such a potent, like almost built-in integration moment for you to take what happened for you, what you experienced, and to really live live that knowing out because it's also possible for someone to do the other, right? And that's really the whole point of why I focus so much on integration because it is some possible for someone to have a really powerful experience, and I call it backpedal on whatever it is that they took away, but you forward pedaled, like you said, you were present, you were forgiving, you were not avoiding by you know seeking out drinking or anything else, you were meeting the moment, and you were able to give him the gift of your forgiveness for everything that happened to him, and who knows where he is on his karmic cycle now. Um, but like you have that peace for your own karmic cycle, and that's a a healing that you'll take with you on your next evolution. For sure.

SPEAKER_00 28:15

And I also think, too, like um, just going forward, having dealt with even though I wasn't close to him towards the end, he was still my dad, he raised me. And so losing a parent, um, I think is probably one of the craziest experiences that you'll ever go through because you're just like, dude, he was part of my life for so long, and I remember so vividly what he looks like, what he smells like, how he sounds, like all of these things, you know, it's just like so in my my brain. But I do think like being able to handle something like that, where it was like almost like this beautiful goodbye-like a two-week of just being there, joking with him, laughing with him, making fun of him because he was just like being such an asshole to the doctors and stuff like that. Like, you know, it was just like okay, there he is, like, he's in there. Um, and how I handled that, like, I think was I'm so proud of myself. Um, but also knowing that I was able to get through that, like, it's going to allow me to get through other types of similar situations as well. And I would guess, like a very similar way, because it's always just gonna take me back to what that experience was. And again, like if I wasn't able to handle it that way, would I be able to handle other things that were similar, like death and things like that in the future? Like, probably not. Like, I'm gonna I'm gonna feel a lot more comfortable, I guess, with it. Um, so I attribute a lot of that to the experience that I had literally, like the whole timing of it is so crazy. The fact that it was one month beforehand is insane.

SPEAKER_01 30:01

Yeah, it really is, it gives me goosebumps to think about because you're right, like the the timing, the whole you weren't planning on coming, but I really obviously wanted you to be there, and then you were and you had that experience. And like you said at the very beginning, where it's a part of mushroom psilocybin can be a part of the process and a piece of the process. I also don't want to undersell um the work that you do, because I it's really important, I think, for people to realize that it is a constant, it's not like you always have to be working on yourself like it's so heavy and like you're not good enough, or you are someone that needs to be fixed. It's not that at all. But Kelly is someone who does her own, she has her own practices, she has her own toolbox, and I know that the fact that she continues to utilize them even outside of a retreat experience or anything else is part of what makes it possible for her to know and be able to access that level of compassion and understanding and forgiveness in future events because that's the only thing that's guaranteed, right? Death and taxes, like the people we love will die, we will die. Um, but she's able to come back to it because of the way that she works on herself. I mean, Kelly, you know, I will never you've gotten all the Tony Robbins, you've done all the things. So you are like, I feel like you're a perpetual student of your own self.

SPEAKER_00 31:17

Yeah, I mean I try for sure, but nothing can prepare you for that type of close death, I think. And but yeah, I just I mean it felt so calming. And I do think that of course part of it is like, you know, having the modalities that I use personally, like visualizations, meditations, breath word, you know, what all these different little things that I do, but I do really honestly feel like that retreat and that message that I got was the most like the best thing that could have happened to me before that experience. Um, and just the fact like your wording too, of even inviting me is like, I feel like you really need to be here. It was like something like that, and I was like, it caught my attention, and I'll never forget it. Because usually it'd be like, Do you wanna come? Like, do you wanna come to this? And I'm like, Yeah, sure, you know. But it was such like a seriousness in your even just a text message that you sent. And I was like, Okay, there's like something, you know, I have to go. I'm listening, I'm gonna listen to her. So it's great.

SPEAKER_01 32:20

I'm so glad. I'm so glad that you had that experience so that you could yeah, move forward with your dad with that level of peace and that level of forgiveness. And I'm curious, like, you know, dad to daughter, daughter to being the mom to Brayden, like how has that impacted how you navigate parenthood? Like Braden's obviously still little, he's not as little as he once was, but like what what effect does that have on you and as you parent?

SPEAKER_00 32:46

Yeah, so it's funny because I was just rereading some of the notes that I took on here, and I didn't actually in my journal, Jolie gives you a journal, and you're able to write whatever it is that you want on here. So I wrote like bullet points of things that I got from you know the experience. Um, and just one of the things on here was that you know, Braden is gonna be okay no matter what, and we are both gonna live, like I'm gonna live a long time on this earth. That was a message that I got, and Brayden was gonna be with me the whole time, basically. So, like that was my biggest fear of is like losing Braden. Um, if anything were to happen to him, you know, that has been my biggest fear, but getting that message during this experience, um, it has allowed me to really like get out of that kind of like super anxious feeling of like as soon as you wake up, you just have this dread of something bad's gonna happen, you know? Um, it sucked waking up that way. It was like so, so just exhausting to live this way. Um, so now it I don't feel that way, and it wasn't something that I like consciously even thought about. I will from time to time still have these moments of thoughts that come up for me of like, what if this happens to Braden or this happen, you know, but it's not as loud as it was. And also rereading this, the journal, um, it's bringing me back to that actual message because I sometimes forget, you know, I sometimes forget that I actually received that. And at that time, I remember I told myself, like when I'm receiving these messages, this is truth. Like, don't take it as anything else. Like, don't be wishy-washy with this information, take it as truth because that's exactly what it felt like at that time. And I know that, you know, post-retreat after a week, after a couple weeks, after a month, like you can lose some of those feelings that you had during the retreat or those thought processes and stuff like that. So it is good that I wrote that down because now I can be like, this is truth, like this is how I'm gonna live life, you know, I'm not gonna have to worry about all this stuff. So I'm grateful that I even brought that out because I haven't looked at it since the retreat, to be honest.

SPEAKER_01 35:00

That's another mode of integration, right? She's revisiting the thing, she's connecting herself back. Like, we think about timeline, and most people think about like future visualization, but for something that's supportive, I'll put that little asterisk there because some people revisit memories that aren't supportive. They put a little few too many rocks on that side of the scale. But you can come back to things that were really supportive and pull the thread through and really bring them to the to the center. Um, and I'm curious because I know that you had another like visualization. It wasn't even a visualization, it was like a what's the word that I'm looking for? You probably have it.

SPEAKER_00 35:32

I call it like a premonition, like a literal premonition that I had, which is insane to me. So, yes, I want to share because it's so fun. Um, so this part, so I don't remember exactly what sequence what happened, but in this part of the experience, I distinctly remember being in this beautiful home and right on the water, because I I just I love that's always been my dream to like live on the water. And I remember being at the time I was single, and I remember like seeing this man, couldn't like see his face, but I knew that he had like salt and pepper hair, and he was holding out a baby, and the baby was a girl, and I have a boy, so I thought that was like interesting. I wasn't trying to like read too much into it. I was like, let me just see where this goes. But it was very clear to me after going through this process. Like, I lived in the house. Um, we lived right next to the water. This was a second child that I had that like was going to come into my life at some point. Um, this was the man that I was going to be with. I don't know if it was a forever thing, if it was like what it was exactly, but this was a man that I was with. Um, and then eventually, like I saw because I was like, where's Braden at? Like, he's not even in this picture, like I don't love that, you know? And then Braden comes into the picture. So, like, we just it was this premonition of what my life was going to look like. I didn't know it then that it was the prep a premonition. I just thought of it like, okay, this is something that I'm seeing. Perhaps it's this like subconscious want or like this desire that I have. Like, I had no fucking clue. I wasn't taking it as fact, like at least that part. And so um once the retreat was over, you know, I went through all that stuff with my dad in July. And August, September, October, um, I, one of my girlfriends, Candice, she's also a spray tanning artist, she buys a spray tanning solution off of me. She texts me and she's like, Hey, I have this guy that I really want to introduce you to. She's like, you would be perfect for him. And he's like looking for a you. And I'm like, okay, like tell me more. And so she sends this picture of this guy. He's so handsome, he's salt and pepper hair, he has dark features, he's super tan, like he is really cute. And so um, I was like, okay, like I am so down to meet him. And so we ended up meeting, and our first date was like a 14-hour date. We're hanging out for the longest time, talking about everything, and just having such a good time. And then ever since then, we really have not been like we've been inseparable. So we text all day, we see each other multiple times a week. Um, you know, I've been with him since then basically, and he's met Braden, and you know, he actually lives on the water. It's it's not an ocean, it's a lake. So it was a little bit different than like what I saw, but what do I know? I could have been a lake. Um, and he does like he has a lot of the qualities that I've been really interested in having in a man because in previous years I've chosen partners who um maybe because my confidence wasn't great, I guess. Like, I always chose people who drank a lot, people who partied a lot, people who just didn't treat me well, people who cheated on me. I got cheated on so many times. Like it's been insane. So it's been quite the roller coaster and um, you know, addictions and you know, other children involved, like all kinds of crazy shit. So with this guy though, with this guy, Glenn, he um he's always been really like very, very sweet. I was telling Julie before we got on and did this uh the podcast episode. Like he's been very sweet and such, like he does want a kid, he does want a girl. Um, so that's something that we've talked about, and I'm just not necessarily ready for that right now at this moment in time. But you know, like it could happen, and um it was just interesting to kind of correlate. Like I told myself too during that experience when I was seeing this visualization during my mushroom trip, I was like, don't forget this part for whatever reason. I was like, don't forget this part, and then just to see it come to fruition, you know, and I don't even live with Glenn yet, but I'm there enough to be like, I basically live here and my clothes are here, and his house is basically identical to what I saw. Like the white walls, the way it's laid out, right on the water. It's insane how it just like came to fruition. So I remember like getting so excited and like telling Julie about it because I was like, dude, this is what happened, and I think I even told you at the retreat what my visualization was. And so you know it wasn't just like this lie or something like that. You know, I was like, this happened and then this happened, like this is insane to me.

SPEAKER_01 40:26

I think what's really powerful is something that you said, because I sometimes popular discourse will say, like, oh, these are just drug-fueled visions and people identify with them too much or try to make things truth. And you were very, very clear in the the way that you felt about death and what comes next and God and universe. That was like a very clear truth that was quantitative almost, right? But you didn't, you were you were curious about this other aspect. It was like this could have been a subconscious desire that I am projecting. And um I think a responsible use of psychedelics has that level of discernment where we never want to get super like attached to some of these things because it could have, you know, we could have gone down a different road where like it became obsessive for you and you were just like trying to find this thing, but instead you let it land and you gave it some space to breathe, and it naturally came to you and unfolded. And that's like I would say a healthy relationship with psychedelics that if you aren't if you don't feel like you're able to have that level of detachment, also maybe a sign that like this experience isn't right for you yet, something to grow into. Because I would say Kelly had like I'll call it like responsible stewardship of the things that she saw. It didn't derail her life until like he popped up. Um, but you did, you said it at the retreat. Um, I know you did, and it was, yeah, I was like, this is really cool. I've always felt like you would be like a more than one mom. Um, and yeah, I mean, if that little soul makes her way urs it, I'll be so pumped to meet her.

SPEAKER_00 41:57

Girl, I can't even think about it. I'm like, Brayden is so enough for me right now, but you never know. Like it could happen. And um, either way, like I'm the type of person to just surrender. It is what it is. And you know, that's probably why I was like, don't get too excited about this visualization because I don't want it to take over my life. I don't want it to be something that I obsess over. Like, I know no matter what, I'm gonna be taken care of, and like everything is going to happen as it should. And so, yeah, I love that you brought that up because I didn't even really think about that. I'm sure some people are like, this is the truth, and maybe like it isn't necessarily for them at that time or something, you know.

SPEAKER_01 42:37

So yeah, I always like to say too, you know, I've definitely had visions and uh journeys in relationship with other people, and sometimes I well, one time with ayahuasca, I saw myself with one man that I was with heading toward this like path that I wanted, a family, and I went down a totally unique but similar path with someone else and got to the destination. And the message for me there was like, you could get there with this person you're with, but every person has free will, and so it's going to require them to choose in and have the same level of like responsibility and self-leadership that you're choosing. Um, but don't worry, even if like they can't step up, like you're still good, you still get what you want. So, you know, like yes, clearly this thing with this man was something that was going to come into your life, but it also required him, like, and it's going to require both of you to continue to to choose it and to be the people that you both need. Um, and I think sometimes we think like it's almost too predetermined, like this is gonna happen and I have to orchestrate it, and like clinging, it's a clinging energy.

SPEAKER_00 43:46

Yes, yeah, exactly. We don't need clingy energy at all.

SPEAKER_01 43:52

But yeah, your retreat was really, really powerful. Like your experience, and then you know, especially a month after work. And then another woman in her experience being in a room with so many moms after having a really, you know, neglected and abuse-filled childhood was really powerful to see her receive like love from you moms in that situation. Like there were just some really big breakthroughs that happened at that second retreat.

SPEAKER_00 44:19

Yeah, for sure. Like, you know, something I was actually even thinking about this morning, I was like, I would like to have like more conversations like what we're having right now, or more conversations like what we have at the retreats, because I think that everything has been so superficial, and as I as you know, like I hate small talk. I'm not a small talk type of person, which is probably why I hate being on the phone. Um, but what I like to do is have like these in-depth conversations that fuel me, you know, and where like we can exchange an energy where if like we're in this room with five other women, like you know, we've all experienced different walks of life and we can all kind of chime in and help each other out with so many different things, you know. And um, I think that's so valuable because I don't know too many places, even if you go to like a big event or something like that. Um, you know, I'm going to powerhouse or whatever. Like, I can't imagine having those in-depth conversations like we do in an experience where you have five to eight or whatever people in this, like all kind of going through this somewhat unique and ex uh somewhat scary situation where you're gonna be on psychedelics together, you know. So I just think it's really cool that you're able to hold space for that.

SPEAKER_01 45:39

Oh, thank you, Kelly. I received that. Yeah, I think five to eight is like such a potent number because no one is like getting lost in the number, you know. I I feel like we probably talked about like Rhythmia in Costa Rica, but that has like 60 to 70 people like per retreat week, and that to me feels totally untenable. Because how would you even know who is who? Um, but five to eight, like like you said, you do naturally gravitate probably towards like a person or a couple people, but that doesn't mean you're not listening and connecting with everyone. I think we all just naturally walk away from experiences feeling like this is someone who is maybe like in my new bestie roster, and this is someone who like I definitely love and will text, but like maybe we're not as close.

SPEAKER_00 46:22

Yeah, for sure. Yeah, it's been really nice to be able to have those conversations and um you know, if I feel like we all kind of need to be put in a space like that in order to have those conversations like guided for us a lot of the times, because I don't know about most people that are listening, but like for me, you know, I can't talk to my family about that kind of stuff, or I can't talk to like some of my friends, like you know, and the friends that I do have that I can talk to about this, like they all live in different parts of the country, and you know, we just don't get to connect every single day. So it's it is really nice. That is a part of it that I would say is super beneficial as well, is like the conversations that happen within that room, um, aside from even just the experience of taking the mushrooms.

SPEAKER_01 47:11

Yeah, I also think there's something really special about you know that if you signed up for this experience and someone else signed up for this experience, that there's just a certain level of we're down to get into it, whatever it happens to be death, love, business, whatever. And you might not necessarily know that uh you know, or like uh great event. I've been to Powerhouse as well, but you could be sitting at a table with a person who is not open at all to psychedelics or would not be interested in chatting about aliens or whatever else, but you sign up for a psychedelic experience and people are gonna be like, oh no, like we're whatever you want to talk about, open minded.

SPEAKER_00 47:52

Yes, for sure, 100%. So that's yeah, that's another one of my favorite parts too. So um, yeah, that's amazing. And you know, I I think about the person who's listening right now who's like scared to take a leap and go to one of these events because maybe they haven't done mushrooms before, but a lot of the women that have been at these events have never even touched mushrooms before. So, you know, like I would say if any of the episodes that Julie like talks about, you know, whether it's like this one or another one or whatever, and it's something that you feel pulled to do, like, don't allow your fear to kind of dictate not going because it is scary for everybody, myself included, even though I had experience with mushrooms, it was still uncomfortable. You're going into this space where you don't really know who's gonna be there, what's gonna happen, you know, you can't predict the future. But Julie, you do such a good job at like making it the most comfortable situation. And if it's okay, like I'll share too. Like, you know, we had one person at the both the retreats, it was only one person out of the two retreats that kind of felt a little uncomfortable. And so, like, you took her outside and you had a really nice conversation with her, and like you know, you eased whatever like fears she was going through, so it's not something like I probably would not. I'm a little crazy, so like I did my trips by myself, but I probably wouldn't do it by yourself, like honestly, because um it could be something where you took too much, or you know, you're feeling anxious and you can't get out of this rut. I actually had a friend of mine who was in that situation who called Julie apparently at like two in the morning or whatever, and you know, I'm just like you just don't know um how to maybe process or how to get out of that situation if your mind is going in, you know, a negative space. So having Julie there to like facilitate that and help you kind of get out of that, I think is so valuable too. So, in my opinion, like there's nothing to be scared of. Of course, it's gonna be a little nerve-wracking going into this new situation, but it's so so worth it if you're dealing with like even if you're not dealing with anything, like I wasn't even dealing with anything really the second time, but like you just never know. If you're feeling called to do it, I would say do it because you just never know how it's gonna affect you.

SPEAKER_01 50:14

Yeah, every journey is totally different, uh, every experience different. I'll even say for myself, like as a facilitator, I still have the like, oh like, are we gonna do this before I um before I embark on my own journey? And then Kelly, I hope it's okay that I say this. Um, but I just think some people have the perception that like more is the goal, and Kelly's like a queen of a small dose, and she has very powerful experiences.

SPEAKER_00 50:40

Yeah, I think I only took one, what is it, one ounce every time? You took I think you took two grams. Two grams.

SPEAKER_02 50:47

Yeah, it took me a lot of mushrooms.

SPEAKER_00 50:51

You're not gonna this is why I have you, because I'm like, I don't even know measurements. Um, yes, okay. So the first time I think I only took the one, and then I think the second time I took two perhaps.

SPEAKER_01 51:01

Yeah, I yeah, I don't even think you took, yeah. So you're the point being, like, I think people think you need a hero's dose, but I just I don't subscribe to that. Um, Kelly I also say is very small as a human being, but um she doesn't take a crazy amount and she has a very powerful experience.

SPEAKER_00 51:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 51:21

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 51:22

So I mean, and everyone's tolerance is different. Like, I think some of the girls were taking like five. And yeah. And they didn't some of them didn't even feel anything at that point, but it had to like they had to wait a little bit, and then it kind of started kicking in for them.

SPEAKER_01 51:37

Also, I will say lots of things come into play, which is also why I think it's good to have a facilitator, because whether it be we think about like GLP1s or different medications that you're on, honestly, like having someone who understands and like has a little like I have a contraindication tool that I use. Like, okay, you know, please you gotta be honest, tell me about your medications so that we can make sure there aren't any contraindications and like could this potentially delay onset? There are a lot of factors, it's it's like we're cooking in the kitchen. Um, and I'll I'll say to the point of maybe doing it on your own or not, please don't mix because that bad experience you brought up, Kelly, was the result of someone mixing with alcohol. Um, I'm a big proponent of just like let's be let's go into the sober. Kelly knows I I tell everyone, please like don't do any substances in the week leading up to it. Some people are gonna listen, some people aren't, but um, all things that are gonna help impact your experience. And ultimately, I don't like the word clean because that sounds weird, because the opposite of it would be dirty, but like the more prepared you are for the experience and the less stuff it's like competing in your body, ultimately, also the less you would need to really have an experience because there's nothing like fighting for priority in your body. Um, so that's just something that'll say. But um, Callie, I'm curious, is there anything that like I didn't ask you, but you really wanted to share something that like in reviewing your journal you felt was like important, something that I didn't hit on.

SPEAKER_00 53:02

I think just the overarching message that I am getting from my messy ass handwriting over here, um, is honestly, I think the biggest overarching thing was just to be a good person and to just show up the best that you can. Um, it says my mission is to be the best version of myself and to share my story, to be vulnerable, to be a light for others, to let go of fear, doubt, anxiety in order to catapult to the next level. Um, and so yeah, just to my mission is to inspire others and to kind of just like give, I think was a huge one too. It was like stop hoarding your light, like stop, you know, stop hoarding your light and give it to people, like be able to use your voice or your energy to be able to make others' lives better or easier. So it was more so like, yeah, you can be the best, you you can get in shape and stuff like that, but that wasn't really like the message. The deeper message on that was like be the better person for other people.

SPEAKER_01 54:04

Ooh, can we use that for this week's integration moment? Yeah, I love it. Okay, cuties. I want all of you this week to think about how you can be the best version of you, not for like the hot Instagram bot or the like, but do that too if that's like up your alley, but do it to shine your light and to give it to other people. I really feel like everyone has a unique magic that they are brought to this earth to express. And you know, hoarding it is is selfish. So give it out, shine your light on other people and be the best version of you for for others. Is that right, Cal, is out you meant?

SPEAKER_00 54:40

Yeah, yes, I love it. And I'll take it one step further as like a tangible thing to do. Something that I like to do is and be genuine about it. You don't have to be fake about it. But when you see something that you like on somebody, whether it's like their clothes, their hair, their lipstick, their teeth, I don't know, anything. I was gonna say their teeth, but I was like, that's kind of weird. Um, their shoes, whatever, let them know. Just like say something, just say, hey, like I love your shoes. You know, you never know what kind of conversations will come out of it, or even if not, at least you just like made their day. You know, I was at the DMV the other day and I was looking at this lady. I was like, she is so miserable, like being here. She hates working here, you know, I could tell. And so I'm like looking at her and she's not even looking at me, she's giving me like what one-word answers and just doing her job that she clearly does not like. And so I was like, I'm gonna find something that I like about this woman right now, and I'm going to give her a compliment. And I did, and her face shifted from being like this kind of like robotic person to like, oh, like she said something nice to me, like how sweet is that? You know, like it takes them out of this routine, I guess, that they're in, or like this, like, I have to get to this next place. Like, it brings them into the present by just sharing something sweet like that. So it was nice to be able to do that.

SPEAKER_01 55:56

Oh, I love that. And I think it's really important what Kelly said, make it genuine. People can feel an incongruence of oh, that's not that's not real, or they just saying that. So finding something that really resonates with you is what's actually gonna provide that little energy exchange with someone. Um, so yes, go find someone out this week who could use a little extra love, a little ping of joy, and send it to them. And Kelly, I'm so grateful that you came and shared your experience. I know that experience says, I know that this can have a lot of stigma, and I know that the what you shared today is really gonna resonate with so many people, whether they're in a tough relationship with a parent or oh my gosh, the moms and the mom's idiot and that feeling of like separation from your little one. So thank you so much for sharing your message. I'm gonna link up everything in the show notes because I hate having to pause and like find someone to handle. But you're gonna follow Kelly on Instagram and find her website, and you guys, the best spray tan self-application mousse. I mean, if you're a spray tan artist and you want to go buy her solution, obviously do that. But if you're like, I want to be a baddie and I don't have a great spray tan artist near me, get her mousse, get her mitt. You're gonna look so beautiful, contour your face. It's like natural makeup. Love it. Thank you so much, Julie. Appreciate you. Love you so much, and thank you so much, kittens. I'll catch you on the next one. That's the end of today's trip. But remember, the real magic has always been inside of you. If this episode landed, send it to a friend who's ready to step into their next level. And make sure you're following the show so you never miss a dose. I'll be back again soon with another day on the path to your most limitless life. And until then, trust yourself, follow your intuition, and keep asking how good can it get?